Clean Slate

19202

Spur-of-the-moment road trips were some of my happiest childhood memories. I remember one trip in particular, one day my brother and I came home from school cranky and bored and then out of the blue my mom decided we will drive to San Antonio. We drove late into the evening and overnighted in a hotel along the way. I think my mom just got her tax refund at that time, so we did not have to worry about money. It was a fun weekend.

Without question, my childhood shaped who I am today. Growing up, we lived a sporadic lifestyle with no structure; Mom was a single mother and a hoarder. When you are young, you do not understand; you think everything is normal, and everyone lives like this. Deep down, I had an inkling we needed to live differently. I remember as a kid questioning my mom why we needed to ask people to buy groceries for us.

A bright spot in my childhood is a family friend who became a father figure to me. By watching his life, I saw how different the world could be. He had many friends who liked and respected him; people were not rude to him the way they were to my mom. I learned you cannot expect others to do everything for you, and you cannot rely on others to make decisions for you. After I had moved out of the house, I had to change my whole way of thinking. I realized it was not okay to lie so you can get people to do things for you. I love my mom, but I want a very different life for myself.

I wish I could say everything went uphill after I moved out, but it did not, at least not for a while. When I left home, I moved in with a boyfriend who was verbally abusive. He made me believe I was worthless. Those years were the toughest period in my life. During that time, the family friend who was a father figure had also passed away. I had no money, no support, and I was going to through nursing school then. Other than divine intervention, I am not sure how else I could have made it.

In hindsight, I see everything God did to help me, and how he guided me out of that relationship. It was all God. I want people to know in the times when you feel hopeless, trust God; he will create an option out of thin air. You are wrong when you feel there are zero possibilities because there is always a way with God.

 

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