Submission, Faith (and Jurassic Park)

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I watch Jurassic Park when I am stressed, watching dinosaurs chase people makes my life feel easier. I tell myself, no matter what’s going on at least I am not hunted by raptors.  I’ve seen it 30 – 40 times. Being that I am a 2nd-year seminary student, I’ve spent some time with Jurassic Park recently.

My quarter-life crisis was what led me to seminary. I graduated with an MBA in 2009, in the middle of the housing crisis. It was a tough time to be a new grad. It took me eight months to find a job. When I did, I worked 11 pm – 9 am five days a week. I didn’t sleep well during the day. I felt I couldn’t make my bosses happy. And some of the people I worked with were verbally abusive. I was barely paying my rent, eating one meal a day, and waking up crying. I told a friend, I wish a car would hit me so I can be in the hospital and not have to go to work.

Why not quit? I struggled with that. To me, quitting meant failure. At that point, I felt I’ve never failed. Plus, I was afraid of being unemployed again. Looking back, I feel so blessed to have my family. When I finally open up about what was happening, my Dad helped me see no job was worth the emotional toll. I quit, and I was unemployed for another three months. It was frustrating. One day, I said to God, whatever you want. Bag groceries? I will gladly do it. Then three days later, I got a fantastic job as a government contractor – without an interview. It was a miracle. God showed me I couldn’t take care of myself, and my sense of self-sufficiency was an illusion. Everything I had done was by His hand, not mine. I had to submit and turn to Him. He proved to me I need Him, and he would take care of me.

During the next few years, I read many Christian literary, apologetics. It made sense to be Christian. I saw the fault in my need to be self-sufficient, and my fear of man (caring more about what others think of me than what God thinks of me).  I couldn’t get enough of sharing with people.  Friends asked if I considered being a counselor. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Because I was healed through my relationship with God, I decided to attend seminary to become a Christian Counselor.

The MBA and seminary are very different. An MBA is very impersonal, you don’t have to put yourself into it, it is easier. On the other hand, seminary is very personal. It’s rewarding and tough because it is raw. I can’t separate what I am studying from me being me. Your bare your thoughts and hope no one thinks you are a heretic. I’ve never had professors who care so much about their students, and also for what’s going on in the world. They have seen crazy things yet stay so humble. At seminary I am not just getting a degree, I am shaping who I am.

My hope for others is they will get into a relationship with God, reflect on who they are, and pursue something meaningful. Don’t fear; you will do well because you enjoy it.

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